A Wasp in the Mini-Van

Wasps scare me. Today as I was driving to work I noticed a wasp flying around the van. When it circled over to the dashboard, I pulled over and turned on the hazard lights. As it bumped repeatedly agianst the half-open glass window, I cautiously pressed the automatic button until it finally flew out the window - my body squeemishly slanted to the right.
So I checked out wasps online and found The Wasp Woman - a horror movie from 1960 about a woman who became addicted to queen-wasp butt-serum because it made her look youthful. The tagline is "a beautiful woman by day - a lusting queen woman by night." For me that sounds like it just makes her really horny, not necessarily montrous but I have read novels about how women who 'wants it' are depicted as heinous in films. The picture above is not the Wasp Woman (also known as the Bee Girl and Insect Woman - so creative) - I just put it up because it makes me happy.
When you dream of wasps, it refers to something that has had a stinging or painful effect on you or that someone has the capacity to hurt you.

Bad Dreams

I have a reoccurring bad dream. I don't know if there's a beginning to it - all I ever remember is finding myself being held by an exboyfriend I strongly dislike. I push at his sticky pink flesh telling him to leave but he's stronger than me. I station my back against my bedroom wall - my left arm hot against my yellow linen sheets. Positioning my boney red knees beneath my chin, I thrust my feet against his chest and still no movement. I'm caught in a stagnant struggle losing the energy in my muscles until white light finally slips into my room shining through my navy blue curtains and naturalizes my bedroom walls back into that annoying Terra Cotta colour my sister had chosen a few years ago. That exboyfriend is gone and I find my body tucked against the corner walls. A haunting residue lingers on my mind. I feel dragged and dispirited; I disliked this guy even when we were dating. Then I look at my walls and as usual, my morning mood quickly turns into a bitter huff. I hate Terra Cotta.

One of the teachers at work, Dave, asked me today, "So do you know any stories?" He was probably expecting a lighthearted anecdote.
"Actually, I have a problem you might be able to help me with through your wisdom." I replied.
"Oh," he didn't have to say that part, his mouth already mimics a perfect 'O' shape. "What is it then?"
"I have this reoccurring dream I really want to stop having. It's about an exboyfriend who won't leave me alone no matter how much I try to get him to leave."
"Do you know you are dreaming when this happens?" he asked, but I had to think about it a bit because my attention had already swam sideways into imagining Dave growing rounder, rosier and grayer until he became the perfect Caucasian Santa Clause anyone would ever know. (First of all, Dave is the jolliest person I know. Second, he is a bit round naturally. Third, he never stops smiling. Fourth, his high, round cheekbones are always rosy.)
"Yes." I said finally.
"Well, do something different."
"Like what?" I have the attention-span of a lollypop six year old girl entranced by the fringe of her green-laced skirt.
"I don't know. Just something different." he said while walking backwards before he turned to follow his piano student up the stairs. "It's your dream. You can do whatever you want with it."
I pondered at the reception desk what my plan of action should be. I could turn this exboyfriend into a chicken, but that might bring back a dream I had that I gave birth to a chicken and then worried that the children at school will make fun of her not because she is a chicken but because she also comes from Mexico and therefore she might be teased by the other kids for her Mexican accent. Maybe I can turn him into a watermelon and eat him. Maybe I'll create a hole in my bed for him to slip through and never be seen or heard from again.
If you have any suggestions or comments, let me know.
Sharon

The Flamming Canoe

Tuk Tuk - Matt's Car, originally uploaded by sinkblue.

My friend Matt, along with his car Tuk Tuk and the Flamming Canoe, took me to duck-itch White Pine Beach with the intention of swimming across the lake and back. The Flamming Canoe used to be an average canoe born of plexiglass and made from the hands of men. However, after various divine tribulations mysterious to all mankind (due to global amnesia) it's bow has been endowed with the flames of Hell. Thus, it is called The Flamming Canoe. Strapped to the roof of it's sidekick Tuk Tuk, it is prepared for any kind of spontaneous canoe moment to fight justice for all canoe-kind. The Flaming Canoe's weakness, however, is water. Therefore, as Matt and I swam across White Pine Lake, the canoe rested uptop his trusted partner, Tuk Tuk, in the White Pine parking lot.
My weakness is my inability to keep up with my friend Matt. The water, cool and smooth, took us a lingering hour to swim across. Once out, Matt was prepared to swim all the way back as promised. My legs, however, wobbled the same consistency of warm tofu, and my lungs had to heave every breath of fly-friendly air. Then the sun heated our skin - I could smell the candy-banana sunscreen on my shoulders. The better the sun feels, the less inviting the water. Matt eventually surrendered to the sun's warming comfort and accompanied me on the trail back to the beach cluttered with sandpales, toddlers and the smell of barbequed burgers. Listening to AM radio news, Matt then drove me home in Tuk Tuk, and I woke up this morning with every muscle in my body feeling great. I got a bit of a tan too - my skin has gone from white to eggshell!

Wednesday afternoon, in between gluing envelopes, answering phones and talking to my friends online, a tall tired woman with two blond girls approached my desk. Josephine, the louder of the two, bopped her balloon sword repeatedly against her mother's stomach; she eventually had to holler ask Josephine to stop. I whispered to her, "Josephine, my name is Sharon. You're mother would really like it if we could all be a little quieter for a while." Josephine's whole body slowed down and turned to look at the glowing stars in the window as her mother explained that her back was hurting. I began to register her girls in classes and I started talking to the smaller one. "What's your name?" I asked.
"Sophia" she replied.
"Do you know what your name means?" She shooked her head and her curly blond pigtails waved like bluebells caught in an August breeze. "Wisdom." Her blue eyes open wider and her eyebrows tense up; she does not understand. "It means to be really smart - and that means that your mother knew you were really smart all along." To that her confused ruby lips expanded into a jubilant smile, the kind that raises blushed cheekbones and lifts heavy chins.
A few moments later, her mother and I finished registering Josephine and Sofia and we had to say goodbye. I told Josephine how wonderful she was behaving, and I said to all of them that it was really nice to meet them. Their mother asked her children,"What do you say?"
They replied in unison, "Thank you."
But as they were leaving my gray building and out into the honeyed sunlight and sweet air, Sophia piped, "I love you!" Her mother laughed lightly as the glass door closed behind them. Then it was my turn for my blushed cheekbones and heavy chin to grow high. A soft pinkness filled my stomach, then my heart and then my fingertips. Tom Waits' Sight for Sore Eyes plays in my ears. This is one of times I love my job.

Who Would Play the Part of You?

In daydreaming the idea of my life being made into a movie, I've been considering who to cast for certain parts.

This is what I've figured out so far:

Me = Maggie Gyllianhal
My Sister Catherine = Penelope Cruz or Salma Hayek
Briana = Cate Blanchett or Kate Winslet
Will = Jonathon Frakes (Commander William T Riker from the Starship Enterprise)
Rebecca = Natalie Portman or Sarah Polley
Matt = Alex Winter or Johnny Depp
Sarah = Anne Heche
Nick = Keifer Sutherland
Sam = Cory Feldman
Mike = Ewan McGregor or Conan O'Brian
Glen = Jim Carrey or Crispin Glover
Neal = Aiden Quinn
My Mom = Carol Brunette
My sister Susan = Paris Hilton
Natasha = Laura Prepon (Donna from That 70's Show) acting-coach Robin Williams
Jeff = Stephen Chow
Matt Godin = Johnny Knoxville
Julie = Molly Parker
Kenton = Edward Norton
Robin = Vincent Price's soul
Aj'a = Cyndi Lauper

But this is a daydream in progress. I don't know who would play the following important roles:

Gayle = ?

I'm also choosing Tim Burton as the director, so obviously Johnny Depp will have to go somewhere. And if Vincent Price were still alive, I'd make up a character in my life just for him!

So help me out - who will play these people? If you don't comment, you don't get a say! Dems the rules!

The Nominations Are In

A big thank you to Natasha for coming up with so many different names for this blog! So - to everyone else out there, tell me what is your favourite title by using the comments option below - or, if you think you have a better one - give it and I'll add it to the pile.

The choices are:
Shazar
Norahs
Sharananandingdong
Sho-Sho
Shring!!!!
Shhhhhhhh!
The Adventures of Shoo-Shoo
Sharon, Samurai artist
Random Rantings of a Raving Redhead

Have fun!

Comments Are Back!

I'm inviting everyone to make suggestions for a new blog name (instead of "Sharon").

BBQ at Sam's this Saturday

Sam Driving me
Originally uploaded by sinkblue.

Hmmmm - now you're all probably thinking, "Is this Sharon's blog, or Sam's?". It's still mine.
Now ask youself, "Does Sharon like me?" and if the answer is yes - then come to Sam's BBQ and bring some kind of food to share. It's happening around 6pm at his place in New West.
Sam is great. When talking to Sam on msn yesterday, I told him I felt 'bummed'. What was really nice is that he called me later that evening to see how I was doing. Some of my other friends do that too - especially when my dog died - and it feels really good to hear that someone cares. I didn't realize this but he even 'bummed' around with me when I was feeling too low to go out - again, that was really sweet. So some of you people out there have done the same from time to time and I just want to say thanks - because it does help.

First Time at the Media Club

Candle Red Kitsch
Originally uploaded by sinkblue.

Jorane - that amazingly sensual celloist - was playing at the Media Club last night, and even though it was my intention to see her perform, I never did. Regardless, I had a great time. Briana and Will prove it's not where you go, but who you're with that makes it great. Even while a singer with a beautiful voice sang dull and trite love song lyrics, I was having fun. Thank god fun couples are flocking the city. The dull leech-like ones bore the life out of me.
I had to leave early to meet up with Mike to see Batman Begins. I'm glad to say that they restored the original murky mood that created Batman. The Tim Burton influence is definately there. This movie, though sometimes predictable, makes up for all the campy crap that came after Batman Returns. But I'm a huge Tim Burton fan so I'm biased.
One of my friendships has gone to shit. Regardless, I'm really happy about all the successful ones that surround me. Sometimes I need to learn to let some friendships go. My deep feelings and sense of loyalty makes this very difficult for me, even when the person is no good. To everyone out there who is and has been a good part of my life, thank you.

Alright!

Just spoke with Sam - he is dating her! Way to go Sam!

Me and the Boys

I had an awesome time Saturday night hanging out with Sam, Nick and unexpectantly, the very interesting and special Doug!
After watching that Jude Law film Alfie during which Sam had in his arms one hell of a cute cougar (ie - the girl upstairs), Doug introduced us to ZOMBIES! A cross between Labyrinth and Risk - this game is great. You kill miniature zombies while lining them up against your opponents and building a city. Doug with his substance-abusing habits was hilarious. I stayed up with these fellows until 3:15am when I had to pass out. Capsized by Sam's couch cushions, I received a hug goodnight from Nick, a kiss/peck goodnight from Doug and a ferocious raspberry from Sam on the neck that made me squeel. I love being tickled so much I'll never try to dull the nerves along the bottom of feet and elsewhere.
Gayle is only 17 years old but she gave me really good advice about relationships. I'm adding her to TEAM:Sharon.
Today I also had a great time hanging with my friend Mike. I realize that I appreciate my friends a hell lot more now that I'm better.
I have to admit, if nothing happens between Sam and his new cougar friend, I may have some competition for the role of being Sam's friend who doesn't sleep with him. For my sake, I hope they get it on.

Follow up on this:

My airborne legs brush against skyscraping grass. Fresh dew clings to my calves, collects and slides off my trumpeting heels. My banana smile crystalizes into rock candy. The wind dries my front teeth. The kiss from every green blade crimsons my cotton knees. My toes squish overflowing molasses mud.


Here's a line from some of my creative writing - until I get my comments back, email inkpen_81@hotmail.com for the next lines - and then I'll add them to my post.

Have fun!

Gayle in her Grad Dress

Gayle in her Grad Dress
Originally uploaded by sinkblue.

Last night I picked Gayle up from her house to hang out. I like the fact she has no money - then we do things that doesn't cost much. After quickly eating some awesome honey dew ice cream (Korean ice cream, introduced to me by my friend Roy) we decided that it would be fun for Gayle to drive the van (she has her learners). She drove us around Westwood Plateau and then to White Pine beach. She crawled up behind a shiny black car which scared me because I forgot to inform her that the brakes don't work properly all the time.
At White Pine, we were going to park and sneak in but security was hanging around - the white pick up truck. Gayle had to roll down the window for him to talk to us - thank god he can't ask for her license or anything. It scares me that it's only June and security is already hanging around that area. If they keep that up, it will conflict with most of my skinny dipping plans for this summer.
So from there, Gayle drove around that beautiful area for about 20 minutes as we talked about stuff. I took over when we decided to go to Rocky Point - Pt Moody has a lot of police cars hanging around.
We picked up a bag of beef jerky and headed to the dock. It's nice talking to someone who's at a very different time in their life - even though it's not like I wasn't there recently myself.
My friend Neal is at a poker tournament right now - everyone send him telepathic good vibes!

I'm Free - They let me out and gave me a certificate for it!

Sam!
Originally uploaded by sinkblue.

Here's Sam wearing one of Catherine's uber eccentric earrings - dangling and all.
So to all my friends out there:
I'm free! I've finished my program out in Maple Ridge. My only obligations are to work 30 hours a week and continue to have as much fun as possible. I have even received a certificate "in recognition of exceptional effort in learning the tools to lead a full life."
So people, expect annoying calls from me. You will hang out with me.
And let me know where I can find some Riverdancing Midgets. Thanks!

And I almost forgot: Because I made a joke, I am now going to Hawaii in Aug 2006 . . . if you want to find out how this happened . . . you have to hang out with me! HA HA!

And I've been taking horsebackriding lessons with my mom - I'm finding it hard to keep my legs together these days.

And I'm taking singing lessons this summer. I love to sing. Maybe if I learn how to do it right more people will be willing to shower with me.